Why?
This concept came to life because there are so many things I want to say to you, but you're not ready to understand most of it. And no, it isn't because you're autistic; it's because you're three (in two weeks).
Right now, your big feelings are when you get mad because I won't let you vampire bite the side of a pouch to eat it. My big feelings are a little more somber and reminiscent. One day, you're going to be able to communicate (with or without AAC), and I want to be sure to answer everything you want to know about our journey together. This, my baby, is me ensuring I don't leave out a single unspoken feeling.
Why letters? I've always loved them. I collect used books that have hand-written messages to the recipient. I'm sure I'll show them to you one day, and you'll have to listen to me talk about how sad it is that these books ended up at thrift stores. You'll probably think it's sad that we still have print in the house.
I have such an obsession with letters that I used to write one every Wednesday to my first love. He and I were together for nearly a decade. That resulted in A LOT of Wednesday Letters. Unlike the used books, we probably won't talk about him much.
Why public? If these letters are meant for you, why am I making them accessible to all? If you're ever asked to describe how you were raised, I hope you talk about volunteerism and an instilled respect for people, animals and our community. I hope you value my "service before self" mentality and have a shared desire to leave this world better than you found it.
I hope you understand these letters are for you and for any other person who wants to become part of our community. There are NAA15 families who are afraid for their recently-diagnosed child. There are autism families who want to feel understood. There are friends who want to know how to become better allies. Maybe our journey can mean something to all of them.
Why the title? Honestly, Love Letters to My Daughter was already taken. Love Letters to My Autistic Daughter was taken too.
It's never my desire to introduce you by your diagnoses, but let's face it, they're currently a big part of our journey. To date, we are still in the people first era where I should say "daughter with autism," however, there's a growing cry in the autism community, specifically from those diagnosed, to be referred to as autistic. They very much feel like it's part of their identity, and they are exercising their pride for having different minds.
One day, I'll teach you how to recognize or ask a person how you should reference their diagnosis. And, you'll teach me how to describe you. And, trust me, my baby, I'll gladly transform my vernacular and every word of this blog. For so long, I've wanted to hear blueberry or apple, milk or water, inside or outside. Until the day comes when I can hang on your every word, I'll work on deciphering your current communication tactics. You will take all the time you need.
Patiently Waiting,
Mama